Women's Month : Week 3

WISDOM CARRIER'S

"Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence, and making sure that impact lasts in your absence. Leadership is not bullying, Leadership is not aggression. Leadership is the ability to use your voice for the betterment of others and the world, be a voice for the voiceless."

To our strong women who lead us with grace and poise even when they feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders. To the wisdom carriers and heroines, to the women who set out to make a difference not only in their communities but the world at large. 

To the women in executive seats may you have a heart and generosity that is willing to pass on information and motivational words to those who wish to sit on such seats as well. May we be able to stand together not only in difficult times but in great moments,  may we cheer each other on the most  wholeheartedly and remove jealousy. The time for us to prosper and nature our talents and uniqueness, The time to stand strong together and not be divided. 

To the women that do not conform to gender norms and believe in them self, let's continue to build a nation of young girls who strive for excellence. Young women who can challenge themselves because they've seen the generation before them do it all. Let's remove belittling, let's remove jealousy, let's remove division and let's remove negativety in our dialogues.

Dear Grandma 

For years you have been mom to the village and until this day you still sit steadily on the couch and welcome everyone with a smile on your face, offering them a cup of tea before telling them about your garden. You have  passed on great wisdom from generations to generations, you've seen the world and it's challenges but you still view life as an amazing blessing that God gave us. The strength that you have and your resilience, the life long lessons that you taught me, 

The importance of Love - The love that you continue to show me and my cousin's, the love that you have for each and every child in the village, unconditional that's what it is. We are all equal in your eyes. Each one of us different in our own right but you nature each and everyone of our talents because you believe in who we are and what we can become.

The importance of Family- No matter how far you go in life and how busy you are, always find time for your family because they are the only truth in your life. Always remind them of how much you value them in life. Respect each other and stick together no matter what.

Dear Mom

For all my life I've watched you take care of our family and waking up very early in the morning to make sure my brother and I were ready for school all whilst making sure that you were ready for your days work as an Educator. You've carried so much in your life as a single parent but yet you've made it look so effortless and we've never heard you complain nor see you breakdown. You continue to be the glue that keeps this tiny family of ours together, you continue to strive for more because you are an example to most of the children at your school.

You push through walls of steal just to make sure that my brother and I are happy, I've watched you try and keep it together when times were tough because I was ill. If anything I pray and hope that I am twice the woman you are to my own kids if not better because that's what you've always told me to strive for.

Dear Women

Open your heart to young girls who need guidance, live a life that's meaningful to most and let your presence be felt even in your absence. Open your arms to young girls who need love for we know they will seek it in all the wrong places. Remove judgement and criticism because that's what makes them run away from seeking advice. Be a vessel and open yourself up to them so that they may have a better life, be an example and try to keep them away from making the same mistakes that you made. Love them, and nature their talents because they are the future.

XoXo

WOMEN'S MONTH: WEEK 2

 YOUNG GIRL TO TEENAGE ADULT

I often wonder where the future of our next generation is, what will become of them?, Do they even have role models?, Do they aspire to be anything other than what they grew up seeing?. Young girls carrying out their parents visions of what they hoped they would become, a generation that is so greatly influenced by what they see on mainstream pop culture. 

I know a six year old young girl that wakes Up to no water nor electricity and has to walk X Amount of kilometres to school because "Education is the key to success" or atleast that's what we've heard all our lives.

I know a 7 year old young girl that lives with an abusive stepfather and dreads sunset because all she can think of is what "Dad" is going to do to her whilst mom is asleep, she can't even come out and say it because "You don't speak badly of your elders" or atleast that's what we know.

I know a thirteen year old young girl that waits for all her friends to get picked up by their parents in lavish cars and is too ashamed to be seen using public transport.

I know a fourteen year old young girl who points out a nice neighborhood because she is too ashamed to be seen living in a shack.

I know a fifteen year old young girl who doesn't meet the netball team squard requirements, disproportioned body and Mama Joyce is her name as she reminds them of the lady that sells fatcakes outside the schoolyard.

I know a sixteen year old young girl who just fell pregnant and is struggling to come to terms with becoming a parent at her age and is handed out a pamphlet by a stranger on the street with a quick way out of that "embarrassment" by some self qualified Dr Abedingo.

I know a seventeen year old young girl who just lost both her parents and is now contemplating dropping out of high school because mom and dad left nothing now there are four siblings to feed and she ends up on the corner of Kloof Street.

I know a nineteen year old young girl who comes from an impoverished background and didn't qualify for a scholarship and now has a year of heading to the wrong direction because she has 24hrs a day of complete boredom.

I know young girls that are stuck in relationships that never even begun because if she's seen holding hands with "Thando" then that means She's the hottest thing since sliced bread.

I know young girls that didn't see Dad in the household so they end up going to Sandton to look for him, fancy suite, nicely trimmed beard, fat wallet, oh that must be him because after all Daddy is a Provider.

I know of a young girl that saved herself for marriage until one late evening on her way from the shop a group of men cornered her and raped her behind the bushes and just like that she lost all her innocence.

To the generation that comes after me ,young girls with dreams and aspirations, future scientists, lawyers, doctors, teacher's and artists here's a message for you. There is so much to life than the moon and stars you gazed at until dawn. No matter how plain a woman may be if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will forever be beautiful.

Beauty comes from knowing who you really are, Beauty is self acceptance and knowing and understanding your worth, Beauty is independence being able to aspire to be things greater than what you grew up being surrounded by. Beauty is Strength being able to face each and every challenge head on because you know that you can conquer almost everything. Beauty is love being able to love yourself first but also have a genuine love for others without wanting to be rewarded. Beauty is being proud in all your flaws and understanding that nobody is perfect but instead embracing what you do have. Beauty is confidence and most importantly beauty is being comfortable in your own skin.

You are greater than your mistakes, and what's life without a couple of hiccups and bad Decisions. You can fall flat 8 times and still get back up on the 9th and remember there's always room for improvement. There is no such thing as failure just a wrong path that will help you refocus and get back on the right path. Live an honest and truthful life but above all live a life with purpose.

So to the Grandmother's, Mother's, Aunts and Big Sisters out there what have you done to help shape the future Mother's,Aunts and Big Sisters of today?

Women's Month: Week 1

 As we come to an end of week 1 of Women's month, I ask myself what it means to be a Woman in modern day society without loosing the true sense that was instilled in us by our great grand grandmother's. Our mothers exemplified a generation that now feels dated, leaving us scratching our heads wondering what we suppose to grow into.

We now live in a society that does not value women, a society that does not respect women, and women have become synonymous to the hashtags #AmINext #EnoughIsEnough #MeToo movements. Being a woman has become scarier, there are young girls and women dying at the hands of those who were supposed to protect them.

We are constantly bombarded with daily messages of what being a woman is supposed to be, constantly being pinned against each other because we have somewhat succomed to the ideology that being a woman means you have to be better than the next, being a woman means you have to be Feminine yet still be musculine, perfect skin, tiny waist because that's the image that the media has instilled in our minds. We are also questioned by our work ethic, because if you are a woman at the top of the Hirachy then you must have slept your way up there,🤷 You work too much, you waited too long to have kids,you can't have both a successful marraige and a great career, you have to be gentle,loving, be a caregiver, be strong, play housekeeper , powerful yet gentle, all of this is pressure that women face. Society rewards us on how attractive we can be and still be mother's and have a career with the little window that we have to accommodate it all. Yet we still have to balance being a Mother, Daughter, Wife, Friend, Caregiver, Sister, Business woman and still be ok and manage it all because We Can because We Are Women.

So tell me what does it really mean to be a woman in modern day society?

                  Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time i was 6 months in my mothers womb,developing and becoming all that she could want me to achieve. Once upon a time it was November and in three months all that you imagined, what I look like and who I could become would be all in your arms, curled up in a hospital blanket. You would hold me in your arms like that and  as months went by you would watch me crawl until at 9 months when you watched me take my first steps.

Once upon a time we celebrated 1, it was a milestone and a whole lot of first moments to come until 2 and here came the terrible twos, drenched in cuteness, cursing and terrible tantrums. 3 and 4 as we get to know each other even more because 5 and 6 I would  spend most of my day with Mrs Naiomi at Little Lambs until you watched me graduate.

Once upon a time I was 7 and it was my first day at Montessori, so many things to learn and new friendships to be built. There's a shift and change coming because 8 will be here soon, new school, new friends, oh dear not  again. What did I know 9 was coming and off to a different province we go, I've got this we've been here before but why does it hurt this time around. Well I guess I have 12 months at 10 to process it all, or will I ever? I guess time will tell.

Once upon a time i was 11 and I lost Dad,how those months of your chronic pain unfolded right before my eyes. You would soon sing me a lullaby only this time it was you going for a deep sleep, That thick blanket of soil, I wonder how heavy it was on your chest 6 layers solid. At 12 and 13 Your voice echoes so loud in my ears and I remember your breathe of Peach flavored Beaches bubblegum. Your laughter and beautiful smile because that's what I choose to remember you by.

Once upon a time i was 14 and had dreams bigger than my  own imagination until 15, curled up in a hospital bed because chronic pains that dad once felt now made its way to me. At 16 I'm  a survivor putting bandages on old wounds, and skilled to clean fresh ones as 17 & 18 approach and I discover myself, drink away all that was supposed to be a great childhood, tame the beast that resided from within while making a few mistakes along the way not knowing that karma knows its way around and would soon find my address.

Once upon a time at 19 when everything felt like it was going right, I was breathing and at my prime. Straight out of high school and the world at my feet, or at least I thought. I would be 20 soon and looking back at my teenage years like "I guess we made it this far". 21 and setting goals because the pressure started mounting I have to accomplish them all. 22 & 23 would be a whirlwind not really knowing what I'm doing , Because let's face it, everyone is just working off of their current best guess.

Once upon a time at 24 I'm reminded that ten years ago I had dreams bigger than my own imagination, why those dreams haunted me every night, how they were so vivid as if it was yesterday when I had them. What if time was nothing but a day, 24 hours that symbolised each year of my life. Because at 25 I'd be back in hospital and my dreams and goals would be all that I have, a beautiful life of success, love and happiness would allow me to fight so that I could see 26 and at 27 I've survived yet again.

Because once upon a time we all wished to be were we are today not knowing what it took to get there. Life isn't really roses and peaches, you ought to go through all that you went through to become who you are and to get to where you are. I've learnt that all that you go through is meant to happen exactly when it happens, because there's a purpose for each and every single thing that happens in your life, why it happens also reveals itself when its supposed to. Every scar has a story. What will yours tell?
Let your scars be evidence that there is a loving, gracious God who fought your battles and conquered.

'Never like my Glory before you like my story '

Winning Spirit 

'It is the desire to win and make something of yourself regardless of what you've been through '

Too many times we allow our Past, What people say or think about us , their opinions of us dictate how we should live our lives and what we can become. Often using their words as excuses of why we don't follow our dreams and succeed.

Most people from disadvantaged backgrounds use that as a clutch of why they could never make it ,they allow their surroundings to define who they are and eventually what they  can become. An impoverished background does not necessarily mean you are nothing and can't achieve all that you want to achieve, it just means you have to work twice or three times harder than the average person. That should only serve as a catalyst to the engine of greatness that already exists in you.

Too many times success has become synonymous to kids who grow up in the Northern suburbs, went to the Model C schools and had parents who worked if not owned the greatest companies. True and Great levels of success can not be bought, it comes from within. It is something that naturally sterms from within, it is a desire and passion like none other, willingness to push no matter how tough or difficult your situation may be.

Someone once said in order to be great at anything, 'Your desire to succeed should always be greater than Your fear of loosing '. Now if anything, i know that nothing great ever came from someone who once wasn't terrified but they tried regardless. Always believe in yourself and be confident and convinced that what you have is greater than what anyone can ever imagine. Start listening  more to the voice inside of you and Stop listening to the noise that surrounds you.

REVELATION IS BETTER THAN EXPECTATION 

Many of us live their lives filled with fear, Fear of moving forward to the unknown. Moving towards something you don't know can be scary, it's unknown, it's unclear and you are just letting faith move you. It's been said that "Revelation is greater than Expectation". Being open to something new that excites you. Allowing yourself to trust and believe in the power of Faith and Destiny. The future can sometimes seem blury but if you move forward towards the light,greater is what awaits on the other side if you trust and believe.

The unknown is cold, it's dark, it's a painting of a thousand pieces of art in one,none clear or distinct but there's a picture waiting to be seen and understood in the midst of all the chaos. In life I believe there are two choices, the choice of allowing Faith to move you and knowing even if you fail or fall you can always get up and keep moving or the choice of allowing Fear to move you and be stuck and held back from anything that you want or desire.

The sad reality about Fear is that you are in constant conflict with yourself and always thinking of what could have been had I moved forward and freed myself,but time is of the essence for all of us and it moves and waits for no one,so it is important to value each and every second and move while it still allows you to.

BLACK CULTURE 

It's been said that through the years black culture has changed or as the cool kids put it "modernised" but who has it been modernised for? The youth of today or solely to fit western ways or society?.

My name is Asisipho Ndyamboti and this is my point of view. As years go by and our elders leave us we loose our main source of information and we forget our values that were instilled in us as kids and move with the wave of modernised black culture. It's a hint of both worlds  black individualism mixed with western approved ways of life. "We are left in a sort of no man's land, because we don't often see ourselves reflected in mainstream culture, nor in popular "

Black culture may have been born in black communities, or created by black  people. But when appropriated for commerce, there is a danger of mistaking "Black Culture" for actual cultural EXPERIENCE. That's where the myth begins, and it can devalue real human experiences. The black experience can sometimes be so concretely defined in the mainstream that it feels suffocating. The reality of being black is much more nuanced and fluid. Being black involves a process of moving through and adopting from many different cultures. To define what's authentically black is virtually impossible, as there are as many ways to be black as there are black people.

And that is really the genesis of any culture: Ultimately, it's created by individuals and communities with the courage to do something different and unexpected.

Like being themselves.