Women's Month: Week 1

 As we come to an end of week 1 of Women's month, I ask myself what it means to be a Woman in modern day society without loosing the true sense that was instilled in us by our great grand grandmother's. Our mothers exemplified a generation that now feels dated, leaving us scratching our heads wondering what we suppose to grow into.

We now live in a society that does not value women, a society that does not respect women, and women have become synonymous to the hashtags #AmINext #EnoughIsEnough #MeToo movements. Being a woman has become scarier, there are young girls and women dying at the hands of those who were supposed to protect them.

We are constantly bombarded with daily messages of what being a woman is supposed to be, constantly being pinned against each other because we have somewhat succomed to the ideology that being a woman means you have to be better than the next, being a woman means you have to be Feminine yet still be musculine, perfect skin, tiny waist because that's the image that the media has instilled in our minds. We are also questioned by our work ethic, because if you are a woman at the top of the Hirachy then you must have slept your way up there,🤷 You work too much, you waited too long to have kids,you can't have both a successful marraige and a great career, you have to be gentle,loving, be a caregiver, be strong, play housekeeper , powerful yet gentle, all of this is pressure that women face. Society rewards us on how attractive we can be and still be mother's and have a career with the little window that we have to accommodate it all. Yet we still have to balance being a Mother, Daughter, Wife, Friend, Caregiver, Sister, Business woman and still be ok and manage it all because We Can because We Are Women.

So tell me what does it really mean to be a woman in modern day society?

                  Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time i was 6 months in my mothers womb,developing and becoming all that she could want me to achieve. Once upon a time it was November and in three months all that you imagined, what I look like and who I could become would be all in your arms, curled up in a hospital blanket. You would hold me in your arms like that and  as months went by you would watch me crawl until at 9 months when you watched me take my first steps.

Once upon a time we celebrated 1, it was a milestone and a whole lot of first moments to come until 2 and here came the terrible twos, drenched in cuteness, cursing and terrible tantrums. 3 and 4 as we get to know each other even more because 5 and 6 I would  spend most of my day with Mrs Naiomi at Little Lambs until you watched me graduate.

Once upon a time I was 7 and it was my first day at Montessori, so many things to learn and new friendships to be built. There's a shift and change coming because 8 will be here soon, new school, new friends, oh dear not  again. What did I know 9 was coming and off to a different province we go, I've got this we've been here before but why does it hurt this time around. Well I guess I have 12 months at 10 to process it all, or will I ever? I guess time will tell.

Once upon a time i was 11 and I lost Dad,how those months of your chronic pain unfolded right before my eyes. You would soon sing me a lullaby only this time it was you going for a deep sleep, That thick blanket of soil, I wonder how heavy it was on your chest 6 layers solid. At 12 and 13 Your voice echoes so loud in my ears and I remember your breathe of Peach flavored Beaches bubblegum. Your laughter and beautiful smile because that's what I choose to remember you by.

Once upon a time i was 14 and had dreams bigger than my  own imagination until 15, curled up in a hospital bed because chronic pains that dad once felt now made its way to me. At 16 I'm  a survivor putting bandages on old wounds, and skilled to clean fresh ones as 17 & 18 approach and I discover myself, drink away all that was supposed to be a great childhood, tame the beast that resided from within while making a few mistakes along the way not knowing that karma knows its way around and would soon find my address.

Once upon a time at 19 when everything felt like it was going right, I was breathing and at my prime. Straight out of high school and the world at my feet, or at least I thought. I would be 20 soon and looking back at my teenage years like "I guess we made it this far". 21 and setting goals because the pressure started mounting I have to accomplish them all. 22 & 23 would be a whirlwind not really knowing what I'm doing , Because let's face it, everyone is just working off of their current best guess.

Once upon a time at 24 I'm reminded that ten years ago I had dreams bigger than my own imagination, why those dreams haunted me every night, how they were so vivid as if it was yesterday when I had them. What if time was nothing but a day, 24 hours that symbolised each year of my life. Because at 25 I'd be back in hospital and my dreams and goals would be all that I have, a beautiful life of success, love and happiness would allow me to fight so that I could see 26 and at 27 I've survived yet again.

Because once upon a time we all wished to be were we are today not knowing what it took to get there. Life isn't really roses and peaches, you ought to go through all that you went through to become who you are and to get to where you are. I've learnt that all that you go through is meant to happen exactly when it happens, because there's a purpose for each and every single thing that happens in your life, why it happens also reveals itself when its supposed to. Every scar has a story. What will yours tell?
Let your scars be evidence that there is a loving, gracious God who fought your battles and conquered.

'Never like my Glory before you like my story '

Winning Spirit 

'It is the desire to win and make something of yourself regardless of what you've been through '

Too many times we allow our Past, What people say or think about us , their opinions of us dictate how we should live our lives and what we can become. Often using their words as excuses of why we don't follow our dreams and succeed.

Most people from disadvantaged backgrounds use that as a clutch of why they could never make it ,they allow their surroundings to define who they are and eventually what they  can become. An impoverished background does not necessarily mean you are nothing and can't achieve all that you want to achieve, it just means you have to work twice or three times harder than the average person. That should only serve as a catalyst to the engine of greatness that already exists in you.

Too many times success has become synonymous to kids who grow up in the Northern suburbs, went to the Model C schools and had parents who worked if not owned the greatest companies. True and Great levels of success can not be bought, it comes from within. It is something that naturally sterms from within, it is a desire and passion like none other, willingness to push no matter how tough or difficult your situation may be.

Someone once said in order to be great at anything, 'Your desire to succeed should always be greater than Your fear of loosing '. Now if anything, i know that nothing great ever came from someone who once wasn't terrified but they tried regardless. Always believe in yourself and be confident and convinced that what you have is greater than what anyone can ever imagine. Start listening  more to the voice inside of you and Stop listening to the noise that surrounds you.

REVELATION IS BETTER THAN EXPECTATION 

Many of us live their lives filled with fear, Fear of moving forward to the unknown. Moving towards something you don't know can be scary, it's unknown, it's unclear and you are just letting faith move you. It's been said that "Revelation is greater than Expectation". Being open to something new that excites you. Allowing yourself to trust and believe in the power of Faith and Destiny. The future can sometimes seem blury but if you move forward towards the light,greater is what awaits on the other side if you trust and believe.

The unknown is cold, it's dark, it's a painting of a thousand pieces of art in one,none clear or distinct but there's a picture waiting to be seen and understood in the midst of all the chaos. In life I believe there are two choices, the choice of allowing Faith to move you and knowing even if you fail or fall you can always get up and keep moving or the choice of allowing Fear to move you and be stuck and held back from anything that you want or desire.

The sad reality about Fear is that you are in constant conflict with yourself and always thinking of what could have been had I moved forward and freed myself,but time is of the essence for all of us and it moves and waits for no one,so it is important to value each and every second and move while it still allows you to.

BLACK CULTURE 

It's been said that through the years black culture has changed or as the cool kids put it "modernised" but who has it been modernised for? The youth of today or solely to fit western ways or society?.

My name is Asisipho Ndyamboti and this is my point of view. As years go by and our elders leave us we loose our main source of information and we forget our values that were instilled in us as kids and move with the wave of modernised black culture. It's a hint of both worlds  black individualism mixed with western approved ways of life. "We are left in a sort of no man's land, because we don't often see ourselves reflected in mainstream culture, nor in popular "

Black culture may have been born in black communities, or created by black  people. But when appropriated for commerce, there is a danger of mistaking "Black Culture" for actual cultural EXPERIENCE. That's where the myth begins, and it can devalue real human experiences. The black experience can sometimes be so concretely defined in the mainstream that it feels suffocating. The reality of being black is much more nuanced and fluid. Being black involves a process of moving through and adopting from many different cultures. To define what's authentically black is virtually impossible, as there are as many ways to be black as there are black people.

And that is really the genesis of any culture: Ultimately, it's created by individuals and communities with the courage to do something different and unexpected.

Like being themselves.

MOMENT IN TIME AS ME

Remember me as the one who started it all and Remember me as the one who stayed committed to it all.

I often think about how i would like to be remembered. And there are plenty of things that I would love to leave behind as memories told to generations to come about who i was, but there is one I never want to be remembered by and that's a Quiter who always started something but never followed through with it.

We often give up too easily in life because of circumstances or situations and that shouldn't be the case , we should always allow setbacks to motivate us for epic comebacks that you can look back at and be like "Oh how grateful am I about that today because it allowed me to grow and accomplish more". I sometimes suffer from writers block because  of  where I am right now, I've focused more on situations that I'm facing now instead of allowing that to serve as motivation. I'm soo stuck in this downfall/setback that I'm currently in because I have somewhat surcomed to the idea of believing that no one wants to hear about pain and instead happiness , no one wants to read about how miserable your life is instead read of what's great and good about it. But what if there is someone out there who's in the same pigeonhole and needs uplifting like you know what I'm not alone.

J.cole once said "There's beauty in the struggle" he sure was right , success will come and you'll be able to be more appreciative of it because you know how bad it could be. Hang in there life is meant to have ups and downs, good and bad,setbacks and comebacks, blessings and lessons, and be grateful for all of it.  Get up and do something that will make a difference in somebody else's life, be the change you want to see. Nobody owes you anything in this life you need to get up and do it yourself. 

LIFE AS ME

LIFE AS I'VESEEN IT

Hello world, Let me reintroduce myself, my name is Asisipho Ndyamboti and i started this blog 3 years ago with the intention of inspiring the world but life as we know it happened. At the time of starting this i was excited and full of life,I had imagined everything being blissful and achieving all the goals that i had set for myself but challenges began to unfold.

I dreamt of taking over the world as a renowned media mogul like the well known mama Connie Ferguson ,mama Basetsana Khumalo all the way to Oprah Winfrey. But it just didn't happen , Like the old saying goes life's a bitch and every dog has its day.

At the age of 13 i was diagnosed with Chrohn's disease,i was operated on and life was good i carried on with school. At 23 I had a flare up and this time the disease came back really badly plus to top it all off i discovered that I was pregnant .

The was nothing that doctors could do because I had this little innocent child growing inside of me and I had to take the risk of taking chronic medication in hopes that it wouldn't harm the little one. In pain and constantly in and out of hospital as my condition got worse as baby grew each month inside of me I managed to conquer that and deliver my beautiful daughter Talitha (biblical name used to revive a little girls life "talitha cumi"jesus said and the little girl arose  ) .
But even after the birth of my child i was still ill.

Now 24 with a child, unemployed and still very sick i landed up in hospital  for 5 months straight with a couple of procedures and one big surgery. I missed a lot of first moments in my daughter life as you would imagine, but i kept fighting for my health in which i still am.

So to sum it up to you all its been a whirlwind 3 years but I'm still standing and in this for the long run.Life will pin you to the wall but always stay strong and firm and know that challenges are there to build you and make you strong,they are there to prepare you for all the blessings that are still to come in this thing called life,someone once told me that in order to know and understand your limits you need to be pushed to the very edge so that you know  what you are able to take and cannot take,we weren't made to break but to understand that we are stronger than we think we are.

Keep pushing and keep fighting. You can do it, you were made for this you will and cannot break.